Sunday, February 27, 2011

Cycles!

Yes, the earth is cycling again. It turns and rumbles around in space, despite whatever horrible things humans can do on earth. Humans are such bizarre creatures. They think they are so important, when actually we humans are not so important in the scheme of things.

The universe is such a marvelous place. It is good to look at the big picture and realize that we are just specks in the whole picture. Just little motes of dust!

The SAD is finally wearing off. I have been going out in the yard and working in the flower beds. I am trying to prepare things for the cycle of Spring. Things are beginning to poke up through the ground. I think it is a silly thing that I am trying to dig out the grass that has made a home in the big flower bed in front. But that is what I did. I dug up a lot of things I did not want in the place that it had found for a home. It sounds rather cruel, but actually in the big picture I am preparing the space for things that will support the bees, hummingbirds, and butterflies. Last year I had more bees than I have seen in a long, long time. Thank goodness for that. Of course, I remember that the stupid Japanese beetles decided to invade too.

I am feeling some creativity seeping in. That is good. I actually started a pair of socks! Yes, I know. Something small, but it will be really nice. I am using a pattern from Folk Socks of Estonia. It is a goats-eye pattern. Yes, I know. I mumble and groan when I do these stranded colorworks. But I like something that will give me a little more challenge. I am using some yarn I dyed with Padauk sawdust and some brown that I found in the sock yarn bowl. It will be nice, I think. I just started the pattern work. When I get a little ways along I will put out a picture.

I had a moment of insanity on Friday. I actually had an estimate done to remodel the tub in the hall bathroom. I just looked at the total amount and thought, "This is so stupid!" But I actually fretted about it and thought about it for a long, long time. Then the insanity passed, and the moment is gone. I am not going to fork out that many bucks for the vanity of a "nice" bathroom. I can do a little bit of freshening up with paint, new vanity, new fixtures in the tub, a new backsplash, and new lighting. And it will look okay with the big bucks. But I am not going to do anything any time soon.

I have been seriously thinking about what it is I really want in my life right now. A new bathroom is not on the list. What I want is a place that is comfortable for me to find creativity and a space that I can create within. I have always said that my house is really my studio. I just have more room in my "studio" than I have ever had. It is convenient that I can designate spaces for knitting, for spinning, for dyeing, for sewing, etc.

I will maintain my space as needed and update as needed, because some day it may have to be sold. I bought this space as an investment against the future needs that occur as one ages. I can easily change the "studio" to a home and move on. But I do know that I like my space to be in some order and some cleanliness. I finally got the floor cleaned after the snow mess, and I noticed that I tracked in some dirt from the garden yesterday.

I gave myself permission to live an unorthodox life in a culture that doesn't understand what I am doing. But as long as I understand, I guess it doesn't really matter. I am reminded at times that I can slip up and want the same things as culture dictates (a new bathroom), but usually insanity is only temporary.

I was discussing with CS at Knit Night Thursday that I am often reminded that the majority of people do not "do things". I was telling her about everyone at the wedding kept telling me how beautiful the quilt was that I gave R & H for Christmas. I thought it was strange, because to me it was just a quilt. It was pretty, but it was just a quilt. My girlfriend CF reminded me that I take for granted that people "make things." I grew up in a family that made things all the time. But I know that for many, many years (1980's and 1990's) I found that many people did not do the things I do.

I remember that I was at work (I used to be an occupational therapist) and one girl was leaving early to run by Wal-Mart to buy her husband some socks. Without thinking I asked about this. She said all his socks had holes in them. I asked why she didn't darn them! I know, stupid question. I won't give you the whole conversation-you can imagine that!

But later I was discussing this with a male friend on the phone. When he picked up, I asked him what he was doing. He was darning some socks that I had made for him ten years prior. I laughed and told him darning was not acceptable any more. I told him about the conversation. He listened and answered with, "Well, I guess you didn't tell her you spin your own yarn and knit your own socks, did you?" So it became a joke between us.

So now my friends are people who "do things" like I do. I meet lots of people that say"I could never do that. It takes too much time" I don't know if it is age or what, but I just smile and go on. I become overwhelmed when I have gone to fiber events, and everyone there is so remarkable and doing what I do. My type of creativity is usually found in a solitary life, and I find validation through my friends. I think that is why I am looking forward to the dyeing class online. I can do this alone on my own time, but I have the connection to the "others" through chats and forums. We will see.

Well, this has been a rambling mess. I just have been doing some thinking, and trying to move out of the cycle of SAD. I am trying to flow with the energy of the earth at the moment. I am feeling more energy out of the trees, too. But it is way to early for them to bring their sap up. We still have to get through March. It is enough that I am watching little things poking up and looking for the light of the sun.

A new storm is moving in today. Then nice, sunny days this week for three days! Yeah! Well, good-bye to February. The cycles are occurring as we go about our little lives. It will soon be Equinox! The light has changed, the winds have changed, the earth has warmed. Keep on moving! On with March!

2 comments:

Janine said...

I remind myself constantly, It's the doing, not the having. It takes courage to live an independent life.

iNdi@na said...

all of the above. and all you need, in the long run, is enough